Wake-up!

Weigh-in.

Are you thin yet?

How many outfits did you have to try on?

How many of them made you look fat?

One of these days you’re going to wake up, your baggy sweats clinging only to your protruding

hipbones, your loose t-shirt hanging from your boney shoulders,

you’ll get on that scale and it’ll show you exactly what you want to see,

and you’ll throw on whatever the hell you want because you know it’ll look good on you.

When I look at my wrist, I see who I was a year ago. I was the girl who faked a smile day to day the girl who cut and took pills the girl who puked up her lunch in the bathroom. But then I look in the mirror and see a girl who's smiles are true and is happy. A girl who got through it all. Be strong.

I will get back here. To when I was truly happy. I love you, Ana.

Missing In Action

I know I've been gone and much needed update is long overdue (if anyone really does consistently read my blog). SO, here it goes.

I've been still struggling with losing those disgusting extra pounds, but which one of us hasn't. It's become a day-to-day thing, an internal struggle of whether or not I should eat that salad, that sandwich, that soup. But I can promise you, I'm getting there. And by New Year's for sure, I will be closer to that ultimate goal weight.

B and I are never going to be, though we never were. He officially has a girlfriend and we've lost touch. But randomly, out of the blue, he texted me tonight asking to go to coffee. I went, not knowing what to expect and it was...weird to say the least. I asked him how he's been, what's new with his life; not one mention of his girlfriend. Odd. Not quite sure of what to think of that.

Two weeks ago, I got into an argument with H. It was over something petty and I didn't really even care about the whole thing. I guess he thought he hurt my feelings because he went around to our friends saying how he "dropped bombs" and to make everyone aware that I'd be whining about how he "hurt my feelings", which wasn't the case at all. Time passes, some shit happens to him, people start walking out of his life and he realizes how much of a shitty person he's been. So much so, that he sent me an apology text saying that he hates himself everyday for everything. He even came out to visit at 3am to apologize in person. Apologizing is a lot for this guy, let me tell you. He doesn't say sorry to anyone, for anything. He said he wants to make a change in his life and me talking to him again, I can see that. He's starting to be a normal human being. He's actually growing up. I told him that if he ever needed anything, he could always call me or just come up to visit for a few hours. No strings attached, no pressure. Everyone is all concerned about him having ulterior motives of wanting to get back together or me falling for him, but I don't think I could do that. At least not now when he's so vulnerable. I just want to be his friend. I can't believe how much this has come full circle.

I've failed two of my four classes, but I think everyone has THAT semester in college where it's complete shit. I own up to it, I'm okay with that, and I'm moving on. I can't fix it now, so I have no reason to dwell on it. Mistakes happen, we're only human.

One last thing, if anyone is interested in what my daily life is like, I made a youtube channel. It's basically just me taping my roommates and friends and putting a pretty song over it with some dialog here and there, but I hold them very dear to my heart. If you want to check it out, the link is here.

I love you all, thanks for listening, on keep on with all of your strength. We WILL be skinny this holiday season.

More Inspiration:

Guys, do you realize there are only 20 DAYS until CHRISTMAS?

The “I’ll start tomorrow’s” need to start NOW. Have you binged already today? That’s shitty, but DON’T GIVE UP. Don’t say “Whatever, I’ll eat better tomorrow” and cram some more chips in your mouth, don’t promise yourself you’ll fast tomorrow and keep eating. Tomorrow comes sooner than you think, and there is NO MORE TIME to be putting this off until tomorrow.

Before you know it, you’ll be waking up at 6am, running to that tree to open those presents- how wonderful will it be to be five pounds lighter that morning than you are right now? How wonderful will it be to be given clothes, only to try them on and realize they’re TOO BIG?

It’s worth it. Being thin will last a hell of a lot longer than that 372 calorie slice of cheesecake or that 424 calorie Grande Eggnog Latte. Thin is better than that- YOU are better than that. Most people gain weight over the holiday season- guess what? We are not “most people”. We are the strong ones. We WANT this. And we will achieve it. Being thin starts now. Right this fucking second. Twenty five days, ladies. Good luck.

Let's DO this.